Splayed upon the green
I embrace the season
of not enough days
parylized as stone.
The scent of lemongrass
grows still and dies,
as I stretch sweet words
in maple color to your
temporary breaking,
your slight fall
away from the sun.
I wait,
my lips quivering
for your curling leaves
to descend upon me.
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3 comments:
This is actually my favorite poem out of all the revisions. The short lines capture and keep my attention and make this poem especially nice to read out loud to myself. I also really like how each stanza seems to act as a series of shorter poems within the entire poem, similar to the Lorine Niedecker's poem. Danny, you are a very talented poet.
This is a great poem. Starting with the title. It leaves a lot of room for imagination. I like how short and to the point it is as well. You capture my imagination using as little words as possible and I really like that about this poem. I also like how it all comes together at the end. This was a very pleasent read and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Well done!
I like the way you've taken phrases from the original and the revision and put them together in a different order and context, somewhat like a puzzle.
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