Bright light beams through my eyes
Whiskey...
Not too long before I get a face lift
Hiding all the reflection
My soul visible for miles to come
Nowhere all at once
Alone...wondering
How will it end this time?
Trapped inside my own mind
Loneliness piercing through like the tip of a sword
Whiskey lullaby...
Laying in the fetal position
Letting time shift my bones
Letting my bones settle their own crackings
Setting sun sends us home
When home is home nowhere is better
Home is an enless destination
Home is drunk
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
k,
I think you have some good things going on here.
Reading this feels like sloshing around in whiskey.
I especially like the second stanza. It has nice rhythm, and alliteration in the last three lines. you've created strong images there. I think if you look at what you've done in stanza 2, and try to mimic that behavior in the first and third, you will have a very strong poem. this poem already gives me a feeling, i only need to be showed why i feel it. also the last line is very sad to me...well done.
I also really like the changes you've made to this poem, especially how you took the last line in the poem, "home is drunk," and essentially made it a theme of the poem. The poem creates a lot of visual images for me (and memories of some long nights), and the sounds images, alliteration, make the poem easy to read, though I hope its theme doees not reflect your personal life too much!
The line "letting my bones settle there own crackings" is really explicit to me, I hope nobody gets rid of it.
Post a Comment