It
Creeps up
And
Covers
Everything else
Around it.
The
Loudness of
Nothing
Is deafening.
So heavy
You can't
Move--
Even if
You
Wanted to.
Its
Intensity
Shakes
You to
Your
Very core.
It is your
Muted
Soul
Screaming out
For
A savior.
It is
The way
You
Feel
When it
Starts to
Rain.
It is
The worst
Kind
Of
Hurt.
It is
Being
So stunned
You can't
Think
Straight.
And
As it
Came,
It is
Gone.
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8 comments:
I liked the part about "feeling it when it starts to rain," however, "screaming out for a savior" feels confused.
I particularly like the lines, "Loudness of / Nothing." This goes along great with our class discussion about how silence can be overwhelming. The line breaks do seem a bit awkward to me, but, depending on how the poet wants her poem to be read, they may or may not be appropriate.
I completely agree with Drew when he touched on the "Loudness of nothing" bit. I really like the layout of the poem, I think it takes a different angle at silence as more of a sporatic nature. That was kind of what I was getting at of pieces of though kind of adding themselves together to form a thought. Yet another thought or "cognitive burst" interjects right afterwards.
Good poem. I agree with Hoss, the poem's layout really attacks a different angle of silence. I like it. It follows what Danny touched on a little in class, that is its short lines and line breaks without punctuation aid a lot to the silence of the poem (at least for me). I really like the lines "It is your Muted Soul Screaming out" because it too goes along with our discussion about how silence can be overwhelming.
Casey-
This poem really brings out the loudness of silence. I think it would be a lot more powerful if you took out the you's, and some ands. This would leave a little more room for imagination on the reader's part and make the voice of the poem more intense.
I agree with autumn. I think this poem really does a good job at illustrating how truly loud silence can be. Placing one word per line is a good strategy if the loudness is what you want to get across, (keaton). And i also, like jeremy, think that "the way / you / feel / when it / starts to / rain" is the strongest moment in the poem for me. It gives the reader a very tangible sense of what you are talking about, as opposed to the lines that follow, "It is / the worst / kind / of / hurt." These lines, and some others like them do not carry the same weight. I don't feel like there is anything i can really grab on to. Try and think of the hurt you are refering to, that is specific to you, and i think you would be surprised how many others that specific experience can touch.
I really enjoyed that the poem was kept in a single column. It makes the poem easier to keep "quiet" while your reading through it.
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